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  • Batbabe: The Dark Nightie
    • Batbabe: The Dark Nightie
    • Runtime:78 min
    • Release Date:2014-11-23 13:37:17
    • Director: John Bacchus
    • Genres: Comedy
    • Studio:
MOVIE REVIEW:Batbabe: The Dark Nightie
Auhtor:

   

What do you get when you combine copious amounts of extremely unfunny
masturbation jokes with 6 awful simulated sex scenes featuring some
fairly unattractive people, save for Darian Caine whose talents are
wasted in this (by the way about the chick that plays the spoof version
of Harvey Dent whomever thought it would be even vaguely hot to have a
flame tattoo on their nipples is something I can't even fathom) and put
it all under the guise of a Batman spoof?? Don't strain yourself for
the answer. It's Batbabe: the Dark Nightie, hear after referred to as
Piece of Excrement.

Seduction cinema has proved they can put out marginally competent,
somewhat funny soft-core spoofs in the past with Lord of The G-Strings
and Spiderbabe, but this movie (excuse me, Piece of Excrement) lacks
three things that those aforementioned films possess. The first two
belong to Erin Brown (or Misty Mundae, if you're so inclined), the
third is the writing of Terry West. John Bacchus has proved time and
time again that he just don't know funny from merely puerile with this
and the equally abysmal IronBabe, Sexy American Idol, and Erotic
Survivor travesties. His Erotic Witch Project showed potential, but
he's long since squandered it. This Piece of Excrement is quite
possibly his worst one yet, hands down.

My Grade: F

DVD Extras: Commentary by Producer Michael Raso and Media Funhouse host
Ed Grant; 3 deleted scenes (2 are worthless, the other is a 7th cut
simulated sex scene); an alternative ending (that brings an idea to the
table that I hope NEVER comes into fruition: a sequel); and trailers
for SSI: Sexy Squad Investigation, Kinky Kong, Cloak & Shag her, Lord
of the G-Strings, Spider-babe, Sexy American Idol, & The Insastiable
IronBabe

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Last week I stumbled across this movie and with a title like this I
absolutely could not resist. It is a perfectly ludicrous and idiotic
sex comedy, prompting some indignant viewers to criticize it for being
a porno with no porn in it, but when it comes to the spoofing of well-
known Hollywood movies, the good people at Seduction Cinema make people
like Aaron Slitzer and Joe Friedman, whatever their names are, look
like babbling, drooling babies flinging their own feces at each other,
and really, they did a perfectly fine job of that on their own already.
Every movie those guys come up with is like a freight train of crap
barreling into theaters with no brakes.

Consider the titles. The well-known movies are ones with the most
uncreative titles you could possibly think of, Scary Movie. Epic Movie.
Date Movie. Disaster Movie. The only thing dumber would be something
like Spoof #1. Spoof #2. Etc. Oops, I better stop. I'm giving them an
idea for a whole new series of crapfests.

Seduction Cinema is now famous for sex comedies that are heavy on the
sex and light on the brains, but at least they don't masquerade as
theatrical releases, right? How have the "Movies" been making it into
movie theaters all this time? These are typical, brain-dead
direct-to-video fare if I've ever seen it, and it's all right there in
the titles. Compare the creativity in the titles above with titles like
The Insatiable Ironbabe, Kinky Kong, SSI: Sex Squad Investigation,
Play-Mate of the Apes, and Who Wants to Be An Erotic Billionaire? Sex
comedies get a bad rap in the annals of American cinema, but I would
like officially argue that it is much easier to have fun with these
guys, who are actually including some comedic creativity in between
their overtly gratuitous sex scenes, than it is to have fun with the
torturous endurance tests that have been making it to theaters over the
last ten years or so.

The story, should you care, involves a villain called The Jerker (you
can guess why he gets that name) who plots to steal all of the porn in
Bacchum City so that the populace will face the terrifying prospect of
painfully backed up plumbing and widespread blue balls. Commissioner
Boredom summons Wendy Wane, a stripper by day and Batbabe by night, to
save the city from the perils of pornlessness.

The characters and performances are all about level with a bad camp
video made by 7-year- olds, but those little kids can't put sex in
their videos, can they? Hence, we have movies like this. Mindless and
moronic but they are showing a genuine ability to cleverly lampoon
major movies, and half the fun is in picking out the different
individual scenes from The Dark Knight, for example, that are parodied
here. The other half of the fun is watching the sex scenes which,
strangely enough, in this particular production go on far too long. I
think this might be the first time I've ever fast-forwarded THROUGH the
nude scenes and not TO them.

But to me, this represents a climb in the spoofing quality, which is
not matched in the nudity quality, a trend that lends credibility to
the possibility that these guys might one day be putting real spoofs in
theaters and saving us from the ridiculous messes that we've been
suffering through so far. Although if they are interested in that, I
would suggest more clever lampooning and less penis-copters, but
wouldn't that be losing most of the fun?

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There really is nothing less satisfying than softcore pornography. The
very idea of making an adult film without the actual adult content
seems absurd, and Batbabe: The Dark Nightie doesn't alter that thought.
The fact that it is also incredibly low budget doesn't help – the
typical pointless plot is so incredibly ridiculous, the characters are
so poorly portrayed, and the dialogue is so disturbingly despicable
that it detracts from the simple enjoyment of gratuitous nudity.

Bacchum City is being plagued by the maniacal Jerker (Robert Mandara)
who sets in motion a plan to steal all of the porn in the land. He
keeps it locked away in his dildo-shaped helicopter, waiting for the
townsfolk to become consumed in sexual anxiety. But Wendy Wane (Darian
Caine), a strip club mogul by day, slips into her seductive alter ego
Batbabe at night to combat the evils of The Jerker and his clown
henchmen. Aided by hopelessly incompetent Commissioner Boredom and sexy
lesbian District Attorney Henrietta Bent (Molly Heartbreaker, who
curiously has flames tattooed around her nipples), Batbabe must summon
the courage to continue promoting her standard random ten-minute
promiscuities and corner The Jerker before he forces her to permanently
retire.

The entire presentation of Batbabe is so substandard it practically
destroys all chance the film has at being titillating. The music by
Trigger Taint is painfully hokey, The Jerker's helicopter is a
literally a toy, and the special effects are the most primitive green
screen and overlayed images imaginable. But these are trivial
considering the purpose of the film, although the sex scenes themselves
lack creativity, class, and eroticism. It's chiefly girl-on-girl
action, since nudity beyond that would no longer fall under the
"softcore" label; they're lengthy, but the inability to show much leads
to little amusement.

The funniest thing about Batbabe is the riffing of Christian Bale's
noticeably gruff and silly voice used in The Dark Knight. Other
attempts at parody are so distant from the original material that it's
not funny, or the humor ends up becoming generic. A scene with big
cartoon words mocks the original Batman TV show, and characters such as
Mr. Sleaze add to the stupidity. This is definitely not high-class
smut.

- Mike Massie

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