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  • Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine
    • Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine
    • Runtime:88 min
    • Release Date:2014-04-18 16:08:29
    • Director: Norman Taurog
    • Genres: Comedy, Sci-Fi
    • Studio:
MOVIE REVIEW:Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine
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*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Even though this is a funny spoof of the dreadful James Bond franchise
and has good performances, the film is visually boring and ugly. I
wanted location shots beyond the view opening travelogue images. I
wanted interesting camera work. Even music by the Supremes does nothing
to overcome the pervasive ugliness in what might have been wonderfully
stupid fun. Even Susan Hart cannot redeem it.

I confess that I finally turned over to a "Simpson" parody of Christmas
movies. I screamed for mercy when I realised what this movie had in
store for me. The Simpson's parody of Sesame Street was terrific. Patti
Chandler, Mary Hughes, Salli Sachse, and even China Lee appear here.
Her brother Mike Lee knew one of my friends. That gives this work a
personal touch. I do very much like the outside images from San
Francisco when they do appear.

This movie had a lot going for it; I wish it had been enough. It just
is not good enough to rate a 9.

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Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price) has devised a plan that's either genius or
completely stupid. He has an army of robot women, beautiful as can be,
that he will send off to marry rich men and have the men sign over
their fortunes. Soon, if all works out, Goldfoot will be the richest
man alive!

Let it be said that to enjoy this film, you need to like camp, 1960s
sensibilities (go go dancing for no reason) and Vincent Price. If you
like those things, this will be a treat for you. Made around the same
time as his Corman-directed Poe stories (and for the same production
company) here Price gets to be a little bit sillier…

Although Price does a great job, and Frankie Avalon plays a good spy,
the real credit should go to Susan Hart, who played Robot #11 (Diane).
She wasn't just beautiful, but acted professionally and comically and
delivered her lines as if she meant them (which may have been hard to
do). None of the other robots get as much screen time ,and that's
alright: Hart really has the performance nailed.

I think this film has somewhat disappeared. Not being technically
"horror", Price fans may overlook it. And they may be the key audience
– the spoof of the spy genre is evident, but there are better spy
spoofs to be had. Having spawned two sequels (one directed by Mario
Bava), this film has an important place in film history. I loved it and
I suspect you will, too.

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There is something going on here. It isn't that the acting is bad and
contrived, it is way beyond that, it is actors (who are B-picture
actors) acting as bad actors, spoofing themselves, their genre and the
whole Hollywood-Disney comedy industry that was so big at the time.
Remember "Herbie the Love Bug" with Dean Jones? It is that caliber of
forced performance turned up a notch, mixed with three six-packs of
4th-wall gags, Three Stooges shticks like tiny offices with low-hanging
bookshelves and multiple entrances. It's Looney Tunes with Frankie
Avalon as Daffy Duck.

Plot-wise this is … well, hey, you have bikini FemBots way ahead of
Woody Allen's Casino Royale, you have Vincent Price with a Disney-style
dunderhead for his Igor, you have a spy agency and the lamest Secret
Agent Car you've ever seen, there's just no room for a plot! It is,
however, a film. By that I mean it doesn't fall apart half way and end
in a psychedelic chaos rush like, say, the Monkees movie 'Head'. The
film states a reality (a very strange reality) and sticks to it until
the tale is told. It is formulaic to the extreme, with one of the most
surreal Peter-Sellers-style farce car-chase scenes in cinematic
history.

I figure there has to be more to this movie, some secret society
undercurrent or something, and that's why I gave it a 7. Certainly it
wasn't so bad I couldn't watch; I had to see it through just to see it
through. It is set in San Francisco, which in itself is a significant
hipness-clue factor for those times (Herbie was also SF, no?).

The Bikini Machine has got that Beach Party Bingo feel to it complete
with Dobie Gillis but without Maynard G. Krebbs, and that alone makes
me want to include this film in some sort of hip cannon and shoot it.

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*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Well, I like slap-stick. I like Vincent Price. And I like bikini's so I
was able to enjoy "Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine" somewhat for
"camp" value and hot-ass chicks. The stupid plot is about a diabolical
mastermind who has created a machine that builds sexy female robots
which he whores out to seduce rich men out of their money. A couple of
dimwitted suckers discover the "sinister" plan and attempt to blow the
lid off it… The extremely yummy Susan Hart is among the bikini crew
who strut their stuff in some shiny gold two-pieces – unfortunately,
it's the kind that covered most of their mid-section which is kind of a
boner-breaking misfortune… The humor here is dumb and hammy, but
fellow retards will get a laugh out of some of it (especially if you're
equipped with enough brewskies). If you have some time to kill and can
enjoy 60s sci fi-comedy duds, than by all means, check this one out…

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