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  • Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula
    • Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula
    • Runtime:87 min
    • Release Date:2013-05-20 09:58:21
    • Director: KLS
    • Genres: Horror
    • Studio:
MOVIE REVIEW:Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula
Auhtor:

   

Since first staying up until 3 AM to watch my first "Black Emmanuelle"
movie (with Laura Gemser) on Cinemax as a young teenager I have
(perhaps foolishly) seen just about every movie with the name
"Emmanuelle" attached to the title. Trust me then when I say that this
series has hit rock bottom and is feverishly starting to dig. The
series never was good, but when it took itself halfway seriously it at
least used to occasionally achieve camp. Nowadays it aims straight for
camp and almost always fails miserably. I wish I could say that this is
the worst "Emmanuelle" film ever, but there has also in recent years
been "Emmanuelle's Pie" (a sorry-ass parody of "American Pie") and
"Emmanuelle in Space" (an unspeakable abomination not even redeemed by
a perpetually naked Krista Allen). This movie, like those, is really
little more than a title dreamed up by corporate suits to separate
horny, dateless fools from their money.

I agree with previous reviewers that the actresses are very attractive
and I give kudos to their plastic surgeons (it's amazing Dracula
doesn't die of a toxic overdose of saline and silicone). But watching
this or any of these other "Skinemax" premieres is like spending
eternity at a strip club in the Ninth Circle of Hell watching the same
female silicates doing the same routines to the same horrible music
over and over and over. . . (I'm actually starting to miss the late
Italian sleazemeister Joe D'Amato who would have these women manually
stimulating horses or something, which might be totally un-erotic, but
at least wouldn't be boring). I just can't take it anymore. So to
anyone reading this: if they EVER make another make another halfway
decent "Emmanuelle" movie, please send me a private message and let me
know. But for right now I'm through!

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