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- Jack and the Beanstalk
- Runtime:94 min
- Release Date:2013-12-09 18:10:17
- Director: Gary J. Tunnicliffe
- Genres: Adventure, Comedy, Family
MOVIE REVIEW:Jack and the Beanstalk
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
OK, so the first thing you would have noticed is that I did not give
this movie a rating. This is because of the simple fact that there is
not a rating that I could give low enough, that would even begin to
represent how terrible this film is. It does not deserve to even be
called a movie, and so for the remainder of this review, I will refer
to it as an insult. Because that is what it is, I have never in my
entire life, felt such an intense mixture of hatred, pity and
embarrassment, like which I felt while watching this insult.
Now I am not a professional movie critic, and to be honest I will
probably never write another review on this site. But the fact that I
actually felt compelled to go through the process of creating myself an
IMDb account, just so I could write one for this, should be proof
enough that I am telling the truth. This review might get negative
comments or remarks, I may be called a fool, and it be said that I have
no idea about what a good movie is, but at least I will have been
There was only part in this insult, that gave me even the slightest
amusement, though it came during a scene where I guess you were
supposed to be feeling sad, when Jack found out that his father had
died, and he breaks down into tears. But his acting, and I know he was
a kid and it was his first production, but his face when he started
crying was giving me the message that he was either constipated or was
about to sneeze, and I actually laughed, in that strange feeling of
anger and pity. But Colin Ford as Jack was not the only stand out role.
There was the character of Grayson the goose, played by Gillbert
Gottfried who's insistent and relentless reliance on lame pathetic
jokes together with the most penetrating and aggravating voice create
in my eyes, the most irritating and disgusting performance I have ever
seen .EVER. I don't understand how people involved in productions such
as this cannot see how absolutely terrible and pathetic their film is
going to be before they make it. Everyone who had anything to do with
this insult deserve to be captured and put down. How the director can
live with himself after knowing how many lives he has ruined by
creating this piece of sh** excuse for a movie, I don't know.
The special effects were few and cheap, the giant and his minions were
so poorly dubbed that I believe even a class of mentally disabled 2
year olds could have moved the mouths in better sync with the sound.
The acting was disgusting, and the jokes ..the jokes were so
incredibly, pathetically lame, that I actually felt that my
intelligence was being frontally abused and insulted, whoever the
writers were, whoever they were intending to entertain with their
jokes, I can say only one thing EPIC FAIL.
It could be argued that its humour was aimed at young children, but i
do enjoy good kids movies, and i can see how those movies would be
funny to a child, but unfortunately, this is not the case. It will be a
sad sad day when this is what is considered funny to children.
If I had one wish in my lifetime, I would wish that this insult had
never been spawned from the deepest darkest depths of hell, it is so
bad, that it is in its self the cruelest act of torture. A creation of
such evil, that it can bring out the worst in anyone, I believed myself
a calm collected person, I used to pride myself on my tolerance and
ability to not get angry. But once I copped this insult, I was filled
with such an intense and unsatisfiable rage, that I felt I had to write
this review and let it out. And I am hoping that by doing so, I can
save you my friends from ever having to experience what I have. I have
never in my entire life, felt such an unreal and pure hatred towards
anything I have seen, read or heard. I would honestly prefer to sit
through an entire Justin Bieber concert (that's right I said it) than
see this again. I will not ever ever ever ever ever ..EVER, watch this
again. Do yourself a favor my friends, heed my warning don't put
yourself through it.
Truthfully, this movie made me feel like I was 12 again watching
classics such as Dark Crystal or The Never Ending Story. It even had
some Terry Gilliam mixed in which, I enjoyed. I am also a huge fan of
the story, Jack and the Beanstalk. I like seeing movies that get the
kids involved, climbing on the couch which, is the beanstalk at home.
We all had fun with the film.
It was nice to see Chevy Chase doing what he does best again.
I'm not saying it's going to be a classic but it was certainly better
than I expected. The director Gary J. Tunnicliffe did a good job trying
to make an old fashion feeling kids film.
For this being Collin Fords (who plays Jack) first film, he did a great
job and really enjoyed him.
Give it a chance. I agree to the kids will like it more than adults.|||
It was beginning to look like a good story. Then the cheesiness came
into play. A bit over acted and silly. Again, maybe the very young kids
will like this adaptation. I soon lost interest and wished Gilbert
Gottfried (the goose) would just shut up already.
The creation of Jack and the Beanstalk, I believe, was hurried and not
too much focus on creation. I mean, the giant was not even a giant,
more like a big puppet, etc.
Most likely you will take the kids along to a theater to see and hope
they will enjoy just the silliness of it all and not my luck of seeing
a screener as an adult and no kids along while expecting a totally
different style of movie. A More serious adaptation maybe? I think
Disney would have done a better job.
My forecast for reviews of Jack and the Beanstalk will be, in grade
level, user's (C) and critics (C). Or a 5 rating in IMDb.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Jack and The Beanstalk surprises me! It's the fairytale I've been read
to by my parents when I was growing up, and for the these fairytale to
be brought to live is simply mesmerizing!
Imagine finding out how grotesque the Giant is, how tall the beanstalk
is, to see Red Riding Hood, & the other fairytale heroes, well, aren't
Well, they didn't make the film to be the exact copy as the original
fairytale, but hey, it is not a crime! And I don't think that following
the original can make the the film boring & with no surprise factor.
And do one put most of the fairytale characters in a film without
What I find most interesting about this film is the dialogs. Had the
viewers listen carefully, they would realize that the jokes are funny,
and takes jibes to many issues.
And the cast are amazing! Yeah, some might find the goose to be a tad
exaggerating, but other than that, it's all cool yo!
And did I mention about the pillow fight? Alright. I did some reading
and found out that in order not to get an R rating, but still needing
to have fighting scenes. So they decided to have a fighting scene, but
not using bats and chains, but using pillows! Ingenious!
Recommended, and suitable to be watched by children. 10/10 on that
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