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  • One Way
    • One Way
    • Runtime:116 min
    • Release Date:2017-01-22 23:22:17
    • Director: Reto Salimbeni
    • Genres: Crime, Thriller
    • Studio:


*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie starts out with Michael Clarke Duncan playing a black,
militarized version of Harvey the Invisible Rabbit. It goes on to
introduce us to a main character that is a cheating, arrogant weakling.
A perfectly fine young woman is brutally raped with her clothes on and
THEN we see her naked in the shower. Three cops show up who appear to
have learned everything they know about police work from the Erik
Estrada Correspondence School of Law Enforcement. Eric Roberts pops by
as a lobotomized version of Perry Mason. Oh, and this film also
features one of the rare non-porn appearances of a strap-on dildo. If
that all sounds like something you'd like to watch, put down the meth
and go eat an orange.

The plot of One Way is rather involved but I'm not going to get into it
in too much detail. That's because this story is like running on a
treadmill while falling down the side of a mountain. It feels like
you're stuck in the same spot and careening wildly out of control at
the same time. Anyway, here's the basics of it. Eddie Schneider (Til
Schweiger) wants to marry Judy Birk (Stefanie von Pfetten), his boss's
daughter. His professed love for Judy, however, doesn't stop Eddie from
banging as many other women as his unit can handle. Eddie is an
extremely talented and extremely self-destructive a-hole. He's the sort
of guy who makes himself late for the most important business meeting
of his life because Eddie just has to get a morning quickie from an
anonymous red head, then incorporates his being late into the pitch
that lands the company a big client.

Judy's brother Anthony (Sebastien Roberts) finds out that Eddie is a
cheating bastard. He doesn't tell Judy or their parents. He doesn't
confront Eddie. No, Anthony decides that it gives him an excuse to rape
Eddie's friend and assistant, Angelina Sable (Lauren Lee Smith). Only
after that does Anthony blackmail Eddie with evidence of his cheating.
Eddie lies in court about Angelina to get Eddie acquitted. But in a
case of leaden irony, Judy finds out about Eddie's infidelity on her
own and breaks up with him, which leads to her father firing Eddie.

Ugh. I've already gone into more detail than this thing merits. To wrap
things up – Angelina starts hallucinating; Anthony winds up dead; Eddie
is put on trial; the story bounces back and forth from being about
vigilantism to personal redemption to familial dysfunction; and Judy
reveals herself to be one of those women with colossally bad taste in

The acting in One Way is okay. Lauren Lee Smith is fairly good as
Angelina until the character gets saddled with a mental condition and
Stefanie von Pfetten is appealing as one of the wimpiest empowered
women you'll ever see. Til Schweiger is…well, he's Til Schweiger. If
you like the stuff Til Schweiger does, you'll find Til Schweiger doing
it here. The rest of the cast is asked to do too many ridiculous scenes
and speak too much bad dialog to fairly evaluate their performances.

The direction is also okay, but it's a little disturbing that the best
staged and most affective scene is the rape of Angelina and the worst
staged, least affective scene is the revenge rape of Anthony. I mean,
writer/director Reto Salimbeni can only make the rape of Anthony work
by equating being handcuffed with being paralyzed from the waist down,
which creepily makes it seem as though he put much less thought into it
than he did with the more realistic violation of Angelina.

One Way certainly has narrative ambitions. It's trying to take on
subjects of morality, ethics and responsibility. Unfortunately, those
concepts aren't addressed with much talent or skill. It's a little like
listening to a 6 year old try and tell you what War and Peace is all

There are moments in One Way that make you think that this film might
have turned out better in an alternate dimension where radical changes
were made to the script. We can only watch the movie that was made in
this dimension, though, and that's not something anyone really needs to

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