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- The Back-up Plan
- Runtime:106 min
- Release Date:2014-03-12 21:05:00
- Director: Alan Poul
- Genres: Comedy, Romance
MOVIE REVIEW:The Back-up Plan
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
One of the worst movies of 2010 is The Back-up Plan. This Jennifer
Lopez vehicle packs in a bunch of no-name performers and some of the
worst dialogue in recent memory to tell a tale that insults single
mothers everywhere and generally carries on the rom-com necessity that
today's modern woman needs a man to define her and complete her.
The Back-up Plan continues the trend of condescending, idiotic female-
oriented movies written by women. In this case, the writer is Kate
Angelo. The flick feels and sounds like one of those moronic chick-lit
"novels" crowding the shelves at trendy book shops and the opening
credits are animated to look precisely like one of the covers of those
idiotic screeds. As The Back-up Plan unfolds, all the insulting and
sexist rhetoric streams through like a speech at the Republican
J-Lo is Zoe, a trendy and stylish young woman who happens to own a
trendy and stylish pet store. She has a trendy and stylish little
disabled dog named Nuts and he provides the oh-so-funny reaction shots
for the 110 minutes of this droning, dumb picture. Apparently Zoe can't
find the man of her dreams, so she decides on starting a family anyway
and undergoes artificial insemination. On the day of her procedure, she
meets Stan (Alex O'Loughlin).
Of course, Zoe and Stan are to be the couple of interest for The
Back-up Plan and they go through all the complications you'd expect.
There's the idea of Zoe's artificial insemination and her pregnancy.
And there's the money complications having kids brings about. And the
insecurities of Zoe when it comes to whether Stan will stick around or
not. And goat cheese. And dogs in wheelchairs. And old people getting
The Back-up Plan doesn't have to work very hard to prove its central
thesis: you can't be a single mother and be normal. So much contempt is
shown for independent women in this feature that it's hard to stomach.
Take a look at the support group for single mothers, for instance.
Christ, it's like The Shawshank Redemption in there. So many tattoos
and butch-looking creepers without the good sense to have a man along
for the ride. Thank goodness J-Lo's Zoe landed Stan or else she'd end
up like them.
Apparently glamour is another part of the big picture, as J-Lo's
character never neglects to strap on ridiculous heels to do just about
anything. She's somewhat like Amy Adams' character in the awful Leap
Year, as high heels must be worn to prove the gender of the character.
Watching J-Lo trot around in high heels even as she basks in the
comfort of her own home as a reasonably pregnant woman is, to say the
least, a little insulting.
Then there's O'Loughlin as the romantic lead. Who is this guy?
Apparently this Aussie actor auditioned for the role of James Bond back
in 2005 and starred in the CBS show Moonlight. In terms of movies, you
may remember him from Whiteout. Or maybe not. In The Back-up Plan, he's
about as bland as humanly possible. Witness his magical use of his fist
as he strikes a "golly gee willickers" pose when delivering big lines.
Or marvel at his utter lack of emotion. The choice is yours.
And so it is that Lopez's return to the big screen after four years is
really, really bad. The Back-up Plan is terrible, reprehensible and
offensive. It is also boring, unbelievably so, and struggles to pack
one laugh in to its 110 minutes (that one laugh is when the wheelchair
dog falls over, by the way).
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